Sister Sharon Havelak

On January 17th we just finished 7 years of monthly “Third Tuesday for Peace” prayer services; we’ve gathered, in large and small groups, 84 times so far. Last fall we chose the theme Civility in Public Discourse for January and invited our local public officials. A handful came and it was wonderful. We prayed together, we reflected, we had some great conversations. 

I gave a short reflection as part of the service.  As I prepared, I realized that it’s so easy to pass this off as everyone else’s problem. Two points, in particular, found their way very close to home.

One is that the call to civility is at heart a call to nonviolence. It involves a bit more than just “being nice” to each other. We are called to enter into holy and healthy dialogue with each other, and, if we do it honestly, a dialogue which will bear the fruit of holiness and health for ourselves and our society.  

It’s risky business. “Nonviolence,” Dr Martin Luther King liked to say, “is a way of life for courageous people.” And it takes profound courage to sit down with an opponent – whether it’s facing a personal problem or tackling a larger social issue – with respect for the other, acknowledging that both of us have a part of the truth – but only a part – and be open enough to share my truth and listen to the other’s truth and find common ground. Very few of us – myself included – have that courage; very few of us are that open and willing to change.

The second understanding brings it even closer to home. I recalled a couple of chance comments – those little things that become life-changing. 

Reflecting on the problems that have affected the Catholic Church over the past decade, one of my prayers has been, “God, we need more Archbishop Romeros.” Archbishop Romero was a bishop in El Salvador, who abandoned his conservative stance and eventually was assassinated for standing with the poor of his country. Problem #1: you’ll note that I’ve prayed that the Bishops change; I’m doing fine, thank you, God!

A couple of years ago, I was at conference and had an opportunity to talk with one of the speakers, the Jesuit peace activist, Fr. John Dear. In our conversation, I mentioned my Romero prayer. His response was incredibly challenging. He simply said, “No, what we need are more Rutillo Grandes.” I was stunned. Rutillo Grande was a poor parish priest in rural El Salvador, who put himself under the wing of Archbishop Romero. He kept in touch with him, told him what was happening in the countryside and shared his concerns for the poor. The two became friends. It was when Rutillo Grande was murdered for his stance with the poor, that Archbishop Romero had the courage to change his position. The implication of his words still gnaw at me: Who do I need to be in conversation with, to help build a better Church, a better world?

Civility in Discourse is not just talking nicely; it’s being willing to go the table – and to remain at the table – in open conversation. With whom do you need to be in conversation?